Fell in Love on Second Date

I went out with someone a few times and then the relationship ended at their prompting. We barely knew each other, so I was fine with that or so I thought. But as time went on, I realized I’d fallen in love. What can I do?

Cover of Opening Up by Tristan Taormino
Tristan’s book Opening Up

We can’t control love. We can’t control when or if it happens. We can’t control whether it starts or finishes. We can’t control who we fall in love with. There isn’t a limit on how much love there is and loving one person doesn’t mean we can’t love another person. All we can do is appreciate it. It took a workshop on non-monogamy with Tristan Taormino for this to really sink in for me, but it applies to monogamy and life in general as well. Just because we love another person does not mean that they have an obligation to love us back – or even like us back. Pushing that is just being a creeper.

There is also another side to this, which is falling in love. “Falling in love” is also called limerence. Your brain is full of chemicals that make you just feel great around that person, want to be around them all the time, and just not see any red flags about them or being in a relationship with them. The good thing is that it wears off.

You can’t make this (or any) person take you back or love you back. You can be happy that such a wonderful person exists in the world. And you can take comfort that the “in love” feelings will wear off, particularly since they aren’t being reinforced.

While unrequited love sounds romantic in literature, it sucks in real life. (Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.) But the feelings pass to where it just feels like a happy memory, at worst a bittersweet memory of “the one who got away.” Don’t let these feelings get in the way of enjoying your life.

Do you have positive experiences with getting over or accepting these types of feelings? Please share them in the comments!

5 thoughts on “Fell in Love on Second Date”

  1. This is a lovely thing. I just heard something interesting today that tied in–love is just love, don’t take it personal! Sounds crazy, but on some deep level I get it. I love many and I love much, but I ‘belong’ to no-one (and all this without sexual involvement). What’s more, I have found gender is just not a thing–people are people, and we all can give and take love.

  2. The grass is always greener on the other side. The one who got away always seems better in our dreams. Usually that’s what it is though…a picture of what we make him or her to be.

    1. I think we tend to assign traits to people that aren’t really there. Even months or years into a relationship. Or people change and we don’t acknowledge that. That’s why I really prefer being in a relationship where there is mutual love and respect rather than being in the initial giddy falling in love stage.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *