Embarrassment About Sex

Is Sex Embarrassing?

I am a teenager and a lot less open about sex than my peers. It might be strange, but I try to think about what it’d be like for me to have sex. I think I’d make embarrassing sounds and faces and that embarrasses me. I’m insecure in my body, so that also plays a role. Is it normal to feel this way?

Dragon hiding face in embarrassmentFirst and most of all, I think you are very brave for admitting what your peers most likely feel and are not saying. Sex is messy and weird. We make noises and move our bodies in ways we would not and do not otherwise. We are vulnerable, not just or necessarily emotionally, but physically, in ways we are not otherwise. One thing to remember is that this applies to our partner as well. Another thing to remember is that if we do not feel comfortable being vulnerable in this way with a partner, we are with the wrong partner. I have been sexually active for over 25 years and this is a lesson I keep learning the hard way over and over again. Don’t feel the need to be suave. It is not always attractive, being real is.

Also, you may be less emotionally mature than your peers (a so-called late bloomer) in this one area or you may actually be more real and emotionally mature. I was a late bloomer and now I’m a sex educator (and able to negotiate all kinds of really fantastic, as in meeting my fantasies, sex) while some of them are struggling to give their kids “the talk.” So it is not any kind of handicap to be a late bloomer. An informal survey I have been doing shows that the vast, vast majority of people (well over 90%) feel like they had sex too early. I think it is too soon to know if that will apply to your generation, but I don’t think you need to feel bad or worried because you haven’t had sex yet.

As far as body image – body image sucks. I think most of us have a poor body image, some more than others. Although easier said than done, trying to accept our body for what it is can make us a lot happier. Trying to change our body to match an arbitrary image is probably a path to unhappiness. Changing our body to be able to do something attainable that we can’t currently do (but again, is reasonable!) can be a way to help with our body image. For instance, you don’t have to become a long distance runner, but you might be able to start jogging or walking or wheeling further than you used to be able to if that is something that interests you.

Image attribution: Familientbildung Wedel

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